Forgiveness…. Why Me? Why Now? Part 1

  Have you been wronged? Betrayed? Is it so egregious that you just think about it and stew over the            situation?  Do you want payment? Could the person ever make it up to you?

“To forgive is to set the prisoner free… only to discover that the prisoner was you.” Lewis B. Smedes.

That is right. Jesus said, “Whatever you bind on earth is bound in heaven and what you loose on earth is loosed in heaven.” The thing about forgiveness is that we (me and you) are the one who is holding the bonds. Generally it is “I” who is the one suffering under the weight of all of this mess.

What suffers when you hold on to a grievance?  You do… your work, your relationships, your family and your dreams. How can you even imagine being happy and productive in other areas when you are holding back in one area? We either have an open heart all the time… or it is closed.

Many people think that to forgive someone, frees him or her from the error they most certainly committed in full consciousness. I have several thoughts about this.

I do not believe that most people are in full consciousness most of the time. Everybody does the best they can with what they have in any given moment, based on their prevailing awareness in that moment.

You read that right. Everybody does the best they can with what they have in any given moment, based on their prevailing awareness in that moment. That “everybody” includes the person who cut you off this morning, your ex-spouse, your ex-spouse’s lawyer and even you.

We have many levels of conscious awareness. Here I am talking about living from the realm of love or living from realm of fear. The world looks very different from the perspective of love that it does from fear. Where do you live?

Many people live and operate from “fear”. They are always defensive, expecting the worst… and they usually get it. People can be back and forth between love and fear. Sometimes they can be focused more on love. But their core wounds/traumas are so ever present, that the slightest look, sound, nuance will provoke their defenses. As each perceived offense happens, it is added to the stack of many other offenses we have gathered and stored throughout our life.

What happens goes something like this. We are in a situation. Words and actions have occurred and we are hurt in some way. Now we hang on to the situation or person. We do this by things like telling the story over and over. Or we won’t talk to the person.  Did you know that those activities steal energy from others? We demand retribution in the form of words of apology or in payment of some type. Even if we get that, we may still not feel whole.

The whole time that you go through a given situation, you expend enormous amounts of energy trying to make it the way you want it. That is energy lost. It was energy that could be used for being happy, perusing other opportunities, getting great ideas or completing a project.

Why not give it up? You have your life, your happiness, and your peace to gain!

Read part 2 for a simple “how to” forgive.

Blessings, Mary Pat

Mary Pat FitzGibbons RN HTCPI writes on helping folks lift out of the dark into joy and happiness through forgiveness.

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